Apr 24, 2009

"I See Dead People."

One of the main reasons why I am able to maintain my faith despite doubt is because I believe very strongly in life after death. Exactly how the next life will be, I do not claim to know. I do, however, believe that there is one. I've tried to imagine sometimes that this life is really all there will ever be. But even on my most cynical days, I just cannot convince myself of it. A major reason for that is because of some amazing spiritual experiences related to death that I've heard from certain family members, close friends, or other sources. They've come in different forms: dreams, visions, feelings, and other experiences. I'm only going to list a few of them here.


I think that most people, religious or not, believe in something after this life. I've wanted to do a post like this for some time, but it always got pushed aside until I was reminded by it after having a conversation with a very good friend of mine from my home ward in Canada (I'll call her Virginia) about some amazing spiritual experiences she and her siblings experienced after losing each of their parents. When her mother died, Virginia had a very detailed dream about her mother, in which her mother looked the way she did when she was younger. They embraced and she recalls vividly how it felt and how her mother smelled. Her mother told her that she was happy and well. Later on, Virginia was talking to her sister, who told her of a dream that she had had herself about their mother -- which turned out to be the exact same dream that Virginia had had, right down to the details.

When Virginia's father died, he was an old man and had been ill for some time. As each of the sisters took turns sitting by his bedside, each one of them "heard" a special message from their father -- even though he was lying unconscious in his bed. The only one who didn't get a special message was Virginia (who is, incidentally, the only one in the family who was active in the Church along with her father). At first she was a little disappointed, but accepted that it wasn't meant to be. Their father passed away just a few hours later.

Later that evening after leaving the hospital, Virginia settled down to bed. At about 3 am, she suddenly awoke to see the room light up like day and a vision of her father, dressed in his nice dark suit and looking exactly like he did when he was in his 40's, stepping down through a sort of "portal" and walking towards Virginia's bed. He was smiling and he looked "radiant," as she described. But Virginia was so shocked by this vision that she freaked out, hid her face under the covers and yelled "NO!" And then he was gone.

Before I got married, I became good friends with an older woman in my ward. I'll call her Mary. When I was 18, she had gotten the news from the doctor that she was terminally ill. She had a bad heart but was not a candidate for a transplant because she was not strong enough to survive the surgery. I'm now 31 and Mary finally died just a couple of months ago. Over the years, I had many conversations with Mary, who talked openly about her impending death, what she imagined it would be like, and some interesting spiritual experiences she had had -- particularly concerning her husband, who died back in the 70's. Especially these last couple of years, Mary had a strong feeling of his presence on several occasions and even had a beautiful vision of him, much like Virginia had of her father.

My husband's father died during heart bypass surgery just after we met. So unfortunately, I never knew my father-in-law. However, I'm close to my mother-in-law (I'll call her Brita) and she told me an interesting story. My husband's family is not particularly religious, but I know that they believe in "something," and that there is "more between heaven and earth," as Norwegians like to say. One day a few years ago I was helping my mother-in-law dust the tops of her kitchen cupboards. As I carefully dusted a small porcelain music box, she told me a very interesting story. Her husband (I'll call him Rolf) had received that music box as a gift from either his mother or grandmother (I can't remember). It was one of those that you have to twist in order for it to play.

Shortly after her husband's death, Brita said that she was alone in the kitchen one evening and started to think out loud: "Rolf, if you're really out there somewhere and listening to this, let me know somehow." Then, to her astonishment, the music box started to play. I cannot believe that this was simply a coincidence because:


a) the music box is out of reach without a chair or a ladder

b) it won't start playing if simply touched -- it's needs to be twisted

c) it's never played on its own, before or since that particular occasion

d) Brita is one of the most rational, level-headed people I know and I KNOW she would not make up something like this

Not only do I believe in spirits, I also believe that certain people, so-called "mediums" have a special gift in making contact and relating messages between the living and the dead, much like some people have the gift of tongues or healing. I'm not talking about the type of people who place ads in newspapers and charge you 10 bucks a minute to call a 1-900 number. I'm not talking about those who are obviously frauds or who use sneaky tactics to make money off their supposed "gift." I'm talking about those who are sincere and who really appear to have a gift, those who make stunning connections that have to be more than coincidence, and offer their services not to get rich, but in order to bring comfort to those who are grieving over a loss or feeling burdened by a presence that is "haunting" them.

My parents have a copy of Mormon Doctrine by Bruce R. McConkie. Even though it's been almost 15 years since I've read that book, a lot of things have never been forgotten -- mostly negative things, unfortunately. I've been home for a visit and after that conversation with my friend Virginia, I was reminded by some of the things that McConkie wrote in that book concerning spirits and mediums. I found the book buried beneath a pile of stuff in an old bookshelf and started to re-read the passages on a variety of topics that were burned in my mind all these years. I remember my mother telling me years ago how she never liked that book. I feel the same way. I get such a negative feeling when I even think about it. But because McConkie provided an opposing viewpoint to my own, and since his is most likely accepted as truth by most Mormons, I decided to cite his writings on the subject in this post for the sake of the "spirit" of discussion (no pun intended).

Under "Medium," McConkie writes:

"Mediums are witches; they are persons who have so trained and schooled themselves in sorcery and spiritualism that they have ready access to and communion with evil spirits. In modern spiritualism they are the ones who conduct seances and who profess to call back the dead and receive messages from them. In the main, of course, the messages received are from devils and not from the departed dead."
(Mormon Doctrine, page 473)

McConkie continues in a section called "Spiritualism."

"It is true that some mediums do make contact with spirits during their seances. In most instances, however, such spirits as manifest themselves are probably the demons or devils who were cast out of heaven for rebellion. Such departed spirits as become involved in these spiritualistic orgies would obviously be the spirits of wicked and depraved persons who because of their previous wickedness in mortality had wholly subjected themselves to the dominion of Lucifer. Righteous spirits would have nothing but contempt and pity for the attempts of mediums to make contact with them.

Isaiah's famous statement on the falsity of spiritualism is: "And when they shall say unto you: Seek unto them that have familiar spirits, and unto wizards that peep and mutter -- should not a people seek unto their God for the living to hear from the dead? To the law and to the testimony; and if they speak not according to this word, it is because there is no light in them." (2 Ne. 18:19-20; Isa. 8:19-20; Inspired Version, Isa. 8:19-20) Thus, no matter how sincerely mediums may be deceived into thinking they are following a divinely-approved pattern, they are in fact turning to an evil source "for the living to hear from the dead." Those who are truly spiritually inclined know this by personal revelation from the true Spirit; further, the information revealed from spirits through mediums is not according to "the law and to the testimony." Accordingly, though some true facts may be found in it, yet its acceptance and use has the effect of leading souls into the clutches of those evil powers which give the data." (Mormon Doctrine, page 759)

So here are some questions I have. Feel free to answer them all, or just the ones that you feel you can.

a) Have you or anyone you know ever had a mysterious experience with spirits, good or bad?

b) Do you believe that the dead can come back to comfort us or give us a message?

c) Do you believe in mediums? Do you believethat certain people have a spiritual gift that allows them to "see dead people" or communicate with them?

d) Do you believe in hauntings and do you believe that mediums can help these spirits to "cross over" and stop plaguing the living and/or relate a message of comfort to those who are grieving?

e) Do you believe, like Bruce R. McConkie, that all mediums are engaging in a sort of devil worship with evil spirits, whether intentionally or unintentionally?

Apr 20, 2009

(Not Quite) Miss USA

I know I'm usually quick to point out the hypocrisy and narrow-mindedness coming from religious conservatives when it comes to the subject of gay marriage. But this round is going to be a little different.

In the final of the Miss USA pageant, Miss California, Carrie Prejean, was asked by blogger Perez Hilton:

"Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?"

Prejean responded:

"Well I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. Um, we live in a land that you can choose same sex marriage or opposite marriage and, you know what, in my country and in, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there. But that's how I was raised and that's how I think that it should be between a man and a woman."

OK, forget the "um" and her airheadish choice of words. She answered the question that was asked of her. She is entitled to her own opinions. The question was worded, "Do you think...?" That signifies to me that Hilton was asking for her opinion. And he got it.

Now, I probably know as much about the judging rules of the Miss USA pageant as Miss Arizona knew about universal health care, but I thought that the purpose of those questions is to see how the contestants handle and express themselves when faced with spontaneous and (sometimes difficult) questions under pressure. Since when is there a "right" or "wrong" answer to any of these questions?

So I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for: Miss California, for being judged on her personal opinions as opposed to her ability to (at least somewhat) coherently anwer a question, or Miss North Carolina, for knowing that the crown was hers because, as Hilton himself openly admitted, Miss California's opinion "lost her the crown, without a doubt!"

Maybe the Miss USA pageant really should be all about looks.

Apr 11, 2009

If I Weren't A Mormon...

I suppose that we've all thought at one time or another about what our lives would have been like if we weren't LDS. Actually, whether you're LDS or of another faith, perhaps you've tried to imagine what it would be like to convert to a different religion. Lately I've been thinking about it a lot, not because I'm really considering "changing teams," but because I like to imagine what it would be like to see the world through other religious perspectives besides Mormonism. So here are just a few that I've been able to narrow down:

Catholicism: First of all, I'm under no illusions about my ability to be a "good" Catholic. If I converted from Mormonism to Catholicism, my aversion to certain doctrines and dogmas certainly wouldn't be lessened. However, I love a lot of things about Catholicism. The obvious attractions are the history, traditions, and churches. I've visited countless Catholic churches and cathedrals throughout Europe and Mexico and have always felt something special inside of them. Aside from being awe-struck on a purely secular level by beautiful art and stunning architecture, it's hard to not somehow feel closer to Deity in such an atmosphere -- especially when you throw Gregorian chants into the mix. It commands reverence in a way that I probably haven't experienced anywhere else. I felt it when I just happened to be in Notre Dame in Paris during an Easter Sunday mass a few years ago, as well as when I visited Palais des Papes in Avignon, France, or the stunning cathedral pictured here in Florence, Italy. I love the fact that many of the cathedrals are always open and you are free to walk in, light a candle, and just sit quietly and meditate in a place that is spiritually inspiring.

Another thing I love about Catholicism is intercessory prayers to patron saints and the Blessed Virgin. Many mistakingly believe that Catholics pray to Mary and the saints in order to worship them, which is false. As Mormons, we do something similar by petitioning each other to pray on behalf of ourselves or others. We do it in temples with the prayer roll, we do it in sacrament meeting when we ask the congregation to pray for someone in the ward. Catholics, however, have the option of petitioning departed saints to plead their case before God. I love this idea and would love to think that I could pray to Mary, or Heavenly Mother, or "saints," Mormon or non-Mormon, and have them ask the Lord on my behalf for something that I need.

As well, I used to always imagine Catholic confession to be a horribly embarrassing practice that I was glad we didn't have in the LDS Church. However, after reading Catholicism for Dummies, I sort of changed my mind about it. In fact, I could almost see the appeal in being able to go to a priest, who has taken an oath of confidentiality (very important factor!), tell him everything I'm feeling guilty about and then hopefully receive penance for my sins. In some ways, I think it must be very therapeutic. As Mormons, we only go to the Bishop for major sins, but Catholics confess even their lesser sins to a priest. By doing so, one would think that it would be easier to be mindful of everything we do and say and therefore always be "on our best behaviour," so that we avoid having to make frequent trips to confession. Pope John Paul II outlined three main reasons for confession:
  1. we are renewed in fervor

  2. strengthened in our resolutions

  3. supported by divine encouragement

Seventh-day Adventist: I actually knew zip about Seventh-day Adventists until I noticed that a vegan friend of mine had it listed as her religious views on Facebook. I was curious and did a bit of research. It has certain similarities to Mormonism, both in doctrine and policy, and Adventists do a lot of humanitarian and community work. In fact, my husband's uncle, who suffers from extreme back pain, recently stayed at a rehabilitation centre run by Adventists and after a 3-week stay, he looked like a new man. Being a heavy-drinking chain-smoking meat eater, we were skeptical about how he would like this meat-free, smoke-free, alcohol-free environment, but he apparently enjoyed his time in the centre. Seeing what it did for him, I wish he could live there permanently.

What I like best about Seventh-day Adventism is its emphasis on a healthy vegetarian diet. Most avoid coffee and caffeinated drinks like Mormons, but I like the fact that they promote and practise a vegetarian lifestyle. Adventists are credited with the development of certain health and vegetarian products, and according to Wikipedia, research by the US National Institute of Health found that the average Adventist in California lives 4-10 years longer than the average Californian.

The Black Churches: I know it probably sounds ignorant of me to lump a whole bunch of churches into one group based on race, but there is something special about the African American way of worship. I've never personally been to a "black church," but I've watched some services and sermons on TV. The minister giving the sermon is often quite animated, often backed up by an energetic choir and background music, and the congregation is lively. Mormons, by contrast, are pretty conservative in their style of worship. No standing, no clapping, no waving, no shouts of "amen." I don't think that either of these styles of worship are "right" or "wrong." I see value and purpose to both and am perhaps most suited to a style of worship where I can sit quiet and do nothing, but can certainly see the appeal -- and perhaps even need -- for a more animated style of worship.

Jainism: I first heard of this religion because of an Indian acquaintance of mine, who is a Jain. What I like about Jainism is its respect for all life. According to Wikipedia, "(B)ecause all living beings possess a soul, great care and awareness is essential in one's actions in the incarnate world. Jainism emphasizes the equality of all life, advocating harmlessness towards all, whether these be creatures great or small. This policy extends even to microscopic organisms." A devout Jain will not only refuse meat, but even root vegetables such as onions and potatoes, in order to preserve the life of the plant. Pictured on the right is a Jain temple in Ranakpur, India.

Veganism: I know, it's not really a religion, right? Well, no, not in the traditional sense, but I think that veganism holds, to many of its adherents, a spiritual aspect to it. I have a few friends who are vegan and although they're not really "religious" per se, they consider veganism to be their spirituality and are probably among the most compassionate and loving people I know -- towards both humans and animals. Veganism requires people to really think about how their dietary choices and actions affect animals and the environment. Although I'm not vegan myself, I definitely have a bit of "vegan envy" of those who are able to avoid all animal products for ethical reasons.

Agnosticism: Simply put, agnosticism is "the philosophical view that the truth value of certain claims — particularly metaphysical claims regarding theology, afterlife or the existence of deities, ghosts, or even ultimate reality — is unknown or, depending on the form of agnosticism, inherently impossible to prove or disprove. It is often put forth as a middle ground between theism and atheism, though it is not a religious declaration in itself." (See Wikipedia for more information.)

I have my days, but for the most part I don't really doubt that God exists. I do doubt sometimes, however, whether we can ever really "know" that God exists. Wikipedia breaks down different types of agnosticism and I would say that I strongly identify with "Agnostic theism," also called "religious" or "spiritual agnosticism:" -- the view of those who do not claim to know of the existence of any deity, but still believe in such an existence. Søren Kierkegaard believed that knowledge of any deity is impossible, and because of that people who want to be theists must believe: "If I am capable of grasping God objectively, I do not believe, but precisely because I cannot do this I must believe."

So what would I be if I weren't a Mormon? In terms of style of worship, I feel very drawn to Catholicism for the reasons that I mentioned above. In terms of ethics and morality, I absolutely love the message of Jainism, particularly the reasons behind its dietary code. It adds a more religious element to veganism and that's something that I find very appealing, even though I'm not vegan. Still, though, I feel drawn to Christianity. But Christianity can be a maze of confusion, with all the different denominations, interpretations and disappointing feuding and hypocrisy. (Mormonism in itself can be a maze that can test one's spiritual endurance.) Had I not been raised Mormon and found my own little niche in the Church, I think that I would have been drawn to something like Jainism, but would have perhaps still felt that something was missing. If I had found Mormonism later in life, I think I would have been drawn to the Plan of Salvation -- which is my favourite part about Mormonism -- but I think that I would have been scared off by certain elements of Mormonism and therefore would not have investigated it further.

So I think that if I weren't a Mormon, I would have felt drawn to a combination of Christianity and Jainism, but would have most likely considered myself to be agnostic. But after doing this post, I think I've finally figured out what I am right now:

I'm a practising Mormon Agnostic Theist with Jain envy.

What about you?

Apr 1, 2009

Where I Come From

I'm a very lucky girl.

I'm lucky for many reasons, but most especially for the parents I was born to and for the home in which I was raised. And as you will soon find out, God had to create quite a complex formula in order for me to have been born to whom, where, and when I was born.

I've said before that my main reason for staying in the Church, despite all my questions and problems with it (and y'all know I have plenty of those), is because I've experienced some things in my life that I consider to be more than just coincidence -- perhaps even miraculous -- that I've seen a divine hand in. One of these things is the story of how my parents got together.

I realize that to the skeptic, this will appear to be nothing more than a nice story with some funny coincidences that led to a couple of regular people getting together and having a family. Interesting, but pretty uneventful and nothing special. But knowing my parents as I do, and being a part of their family, I have a hard time denying God's role in our lives even on my most cynical days.

I got this e-mail from my father recently. Names and certain minor details have been changed for privacy reasons, but other than that it's complete. I've added some personal commentary in red.

So this is "where I come from." My parents' marriage has perhaps been the greatest blessing in my life, as it gave me safety and stability while growing up. But most importantly, their example was undoubtedly the greatest influence on my choice of partner and what kind of marriage relationship I knew I wanted in my life.

Enjoy.

---------------------------------
Dear Family,

I want to share with you a special talk I am giving today at Church. It is on a topic that is very special to me, and though you couldn't be here with us, at least I can share it with you:


Love,
Dad

Back on 22 March, Brother Dawson asked me to speak in Sacrament on a most unusual topic: “My wife’s influence in my life.”

Because of the unusual topic he assigned me, and being one of the brethern... I had to make a moment of lightness out of this... so I answered him... That should only take 30 seconds!

Later that day, another thought crossed my mind... I’ll tell Maria the topic, and get her to write the talk for me!

Afterwards, I got serious as I knew I would, because there is nothing more beautiful in this world to me than what I am about to share with you. This may be the most personal talk I have ever given in Church. I also want you to know that Maria knows nothing about the topic I was assigned to speak to you on today.


To truly appreciate the influence my wife has been in my life, we need to go back in time. This is where my talk truly begins.
As a young person, I was not a member of the Church and knew nothing about it. However, as I look back, God and Jesus Christ were important in my life from as far back as I can remember. I owe that to my Dad who taught me that God was real, and my Mom’s example of teaching Sunday School at our local Church for several years in the 1960’s.

There was a time in my life when I rarely went to Church. This would be in the early 1960’s. Then I remember our local Church minister paying us a visit to our home encouraging us to come. I remember asking him if going to Church was important to get to Heaven. He answered in the affirmative and from that day forward, I usually attended Church most Sundays. Afterwards, I always felt bad on those Sundays when I would miss Church. One day in the eternities, I hope to thank that minister for reactivating me and getting me to come back to Church.


Little did I know that thousands of kilometres from here, in 1970, the Lord was preparing a family, and a special girl in my future, to share the restored gospel with me. Maria and some of her family joined the Church in November of that year. By 1971, all but her father had joined.


Prior to meeting Maria, I spoke no Spanish, and she spoke no English. So how was the Lord going to bring Maria and I together? How was I ever going to meet her? After I share this story with you, I think you’ll agree it would have been much easier for me to find a needle in any old haystack. It really began in the summer of 1973. My mother’s friend talked her into taking a cooking class that fall. Because of this, my Mom met a Mexican girl named Sylvia who was an exchange student here in Canada. Mom eventually invited this girl to our place, and she and our family soon became good friends. (I find this small detail to be very interesting because my grandmother hates to cook. The last thing I can imagine her doing is taking a cooking class, let alone Mexican food, which I can't imagine she would eat.)

I was at college, semester 5, and had plans to travel at Christmas break on the Greyhound to Oakland, California to look up friends I had met in Spain in August. I planned to also go to other locations in Western Canada and the US, as many as I could pack into 3 weeks. Sylvia asked me if I had ever been to Mexico. I told her no, but that I would love to go. She mentioned to me that if I wanted to travel to Mexico City on this trip, that her family would provide me with a place to stay and show me around the sights. All this if I would simply take a few Christmas gifts to her family that she would send with me. It was too good of a deal to pass up, so I decided to go.


Christmas break came and I travelled to California and stayed with my friends in Oakland. They were not members, but I remember them showing me the lights of the Oakland Temple at night. Even then, the Lord was preparing me. I toured San Francisco, took in Disneyland and San Diego, then headed east through Arizona, saw the Grand Canyon and on to Albuquerque, NM where I spent the night on Dec 29, 1973.

Next day, I headed to El Paso where I intended to spend the night… if I could find a motel that fit my budget. It was 5pm and if I failed, I could catch the bus to Mexico City at 7 pm. It was a 26 hour ride. After checking El Paso’s nearby hotels, they were all out of my price range so I went back to the bus depot and bought a bus ticket on the Mexican bus headed to Mexico City. One note of interest here is that El Paso was the only town on all my trips I took in Europe and North America where hotels were too expensive. My life would today be dramatically different if I had stayed in El Paso overnight. Another note of interest is that on Mexican buses, it was necessary to choose your seat before you got on the bus. I chose passenger side front. This was to also be a critical decision as you will see in a few moments.


Crossing the border to Ciudad Juarez, a older Mexican lady noticed I could not speak Spanish. She asked Maria’s sister and her girlfriend, both whom I did not know, and travelling back from Utah, to help me through Mexican customs.
Afterwards, Maria’s sister befriended me on the bus. The reason she was able to do this is because she sat across the aisle and one row back. Not long into the trip, the seats just in front of her were vacated. She spoke a little English. Some hours later, she asked me where I was going to stay when I arrived in Mexico City. I told her I would look for a hotel close to the bus depot when we arrived at 9:30 pm. Knowing it was a rough section of the city, dark, and New Year’s Eve, she invited me to her home to spend the night with her family. This would lead to my real introduction to the Church.

I first met Maria just before midnight on 31 Dec 1973 in her house. I really didn’t get to know her very well on this first visit, but the 4 nights I spent with her family had an amazing impact on me. The 4th evening, when I surprised them returning from Acapulco with a few thank-you gifts, I entered the home as a movie was running for a home fireside. It was in English, Spanish subtitled, and called
“Brigham Young” with Tyrone Power. Again, the Lord provided me with an opportunity to learn a little about the Church and it’s history in my own language.

I went on to spend several days with Sylvia’s family and had a wonderful time before returning by bus to Michigan and to school back home here in Canada.
When home, I bought myself a book to learn Spanish. In my spare time, I would study and I made it through about ¼ of the book. The following November, now being graduated from school and having saved enough money from a job I had, I went on a 76 day bus trip and during the last month, I returned to Maria’s home on 2 Jan 1975. Maria was not in school anymore and spent her days at home tending to her oldest sister’s newborn baby and looking after the house. As the next 10 days passed, we spent a lot of time together. I realized not only was Maria strikingly beautiful on the outside, but she was the nicest person I had ever met on the inside. She had a faith in God and practiced it, as did her family. I realized I had fallen in love with her. She had no idea, as I never asked her out officially. There wasn’t time. On January 11, I remember asking God in my prayers that night if I should ask Maria to marry me. I felt strongly impressed by the Spirit that I should, and late the next night, I asked her in the little Spanish I could now speak, that “I thought you are a good wife for me.” This was totally unexpected to her and she had no reply right then. 4 more days would pass, and on the afternoon of 16 January 1975, in a taxi…Maria said yes. One note of interest here is that never in my life have I felt a quicker and more powerful answer to my prayers than that night… asking Heavenly Father if Maria was right for me. (My dad is a classic Type A personality, takes things slowly, and is about the least spontaneous person I know. He often agonizes over decisions, thinking everything through. Another interesting note is that he never dated before, never had a girlfriend, was not really on the lookout for a wife, was only interested in travelling and seemed to enjoy being a bachelor until he met my mom and sparks apparently started flying out of nowhere. He also liked blondes, which my mom definitely is not. :) All this seems so far off the wall when I think about it now. Two young people who hardly knew each other... from different countries, cultures and languages, attempting to try to make a successful marriage with all these obstacles. It was very uncharacteristic of the man Maria knows now to make such a hasty decision to rush into marriage so quickly. I normally take a lot of time to make large decisions in my life. (To say the least. :)

It was a scary evening when I had to brake the news to Maria’s mother 12 nights later. My hand was forced as I had to get back home, so I left it to the day before departure. I thought I might be sleeping out on the street that night. However, she had no objections and was very kind to me. She said I had to also ask Maria’s oldest brother, being there was no father in the house. That could not be done till the next night, so I had to stay one extra day. Again, nothing but kindness and acceptance.
At this point in my talk as I reflect, I come to realize that the chances of ever meeting Maria were so remote that I often marvel as to how it ever happened. I like to look at all that had to happen as one big puzzle. Take away just one piece of the puzzle, or incident that absolutely had to take place, and my chances of meeting her would be taken away. One could conclude it was all coincidence, but I know better. I saw the hand of the Lord in so many critical moments in our meeting, that I have no doubt he made it all come to pass.

In June 1975, I returned by air to Mexico to bring Maria back to Canada after her immigration papers were ready. We had a great trip to Canada by bus and crossed the Canadian border on July 7. Soon thereafter, Maria and I met Bishop Hill, who agreed to marry us on Aug 1. (Bishop Hill, years later, told my dad how skeptical he was at the time that their marriage would work out, but he was pleased to see that they had beaten the odds.)

Why is this story so important? How did Maria, at the age of 18 ½, make such monumental decisions in her life? I was 22, but looking back on it now, I was nowhere near the maturity level of her. She sacrificed everything to be my wife. Not only did I gain the best wife God could ever give me, the best mother for our future children, but she and her family touched me in a way no other family ever has. Materially, this family had very little. A humble home, a mother and 10 kids, no father who cared, not even financially. Only one sibling was married, and she and her husband and baby also lived in this small home with only 3 bedrooms. They had very little money coming in, but they all treated me with a kindness that I have never seen. (Dad has always told us how humbled he felt when they gave him his own room in this small, humble house full of people. They also took time out of their day to drive him to all sorts of places and show him all the sites. Mexican hospitality is hard to match in this world and my mother's family is no exception.)

All of Maria’s family at home were members of the Church, but they never pushed the Church on me. I was invited to attend Church with them when Sunday came and I was happy to go. In Canada, I took Maria to her Church for a few weeks until we were married, then I resumed attending my own Church for a few months. In November, 1975, because Bishop Hill married us, he felt prompted to ask us to his home to view the brand new Washington DC Temple movie. That really acted as a catalyst for me to take Maria to Church two Sundays later. Sacrament meeting was at 5 pm those days, and after the meeting I approached the missionaries and asked them if they would teach me about the Church.

The major obstacle I had to overcome to join the Church hinged on getting some answers to a handout I was given in November 1974 on a Greyhound bus travelling from Hollywood, California to Reno, Nevada. I met this formerly LDS girl on the bus. She had attended BYU and while there, her mother back home in California left the Church. This girl did the same when she returned home. Her mom had written a very professional anti LDS pamphlet that her daughter gave me on the bus. When I read it, I was certain I would never join that Church. That’s even the way I felt when I married Maria 9 months later, though I never told her. So I took this pamphlet to Bishop Hill in November 1975 to give him a chance to answer these tough questions. His answers seemed genuine and I left that day opened-minded that I needed to give the Church at least a chance. I also remembered what Bishop Hill said to me in the Bishop’s office back in July when we asked him if he would marry us. He said..”Charles, you owe it to yourself to look into the Church.” Talking to the missionaries usually at the Hills' home over the next few weeks, I initially refused to set a baptismal date. I later agreed to 10 am February 21, 1976 as the big day. However, at 2 am on very that day, I wasn’t sure if I would go through with it. There was only 1 obstacle left. Tithing. This is where my wonderful wife gave me some advice as to “give it a try.” I did, and although it still took me a few more months to gain a testimony of it, I showed up that day to be baptized. (Our family was always blessed, perhaps as a result of tithing, and I'm often in awe of how my parents managed to raise 5 kids in comfortable circumstances on one salary, plus pay off their mortgage in just 5 years and never be in debt again.)

What kind of an influence was Maria on me through my conversion? Just an example of how a good Church member should live. She gave me my complete free agency to choose. Never pushy, though I knew it would mean the world to her if I was to join. One thing most people don’t know is that when she agreed to marry me, she had a very good chance to marry a return missionary from Utah who cared for her perhaps as much as I did. Instead she chose me, a non-member. Usually this is not a good thing to do, but in this case, I joined the Church, and the return missionary soon went inactive after his mission ended. We soon set a goal to have our marriage sealed forever in the Temple. That day came on April 29, 1977 at St George, Utah. Maria’s sister, the one I met on the bus and her now American husband, escorted us through.

Looking back at that girl on the bus who gave me that anti-LDS handout, I realized afterwards that Satan knew I knew Maria’s family, and he did his best to keep me away from ever joining the Church. God had other plans for me. 34 yrs later, I can tell you much more about the influence my wife has been in my life. She has been ever so faithful in the Church, for me always someone I can look to when I need to see the right way.

Maria has raised 5 kids and been a shining example to all of them. She has given everything she has to her family. She also helps her extended family whenever they are in need. She is completely selfless, rarely ever putting herself first. (Yes, yes, yes, and yes.)

Whenever someone in the family needs counsel, I mean really good counsel with tough problems, Maria is as good as most professionals. I am a person who doesn’t handle stress very well. (Dad passed his worry-wart genes onto me.) She helps me through times like these, and the Lord puts me in contact with others who can also help me. She ruins watching Dr. Phil for me because she is usually right about the advice his guests need before Dr. Phil gets to give it to them. Maria is a shrink without the university degree. I’m often amazed at her wisdom. Most times when we have had a difference in opinion on something, I have soon seen that she was usually right. Not many men like to admit that, but that is why I have come to respect everything she says, especially involving the kids and my problems. I remember Maria’s first calling here in Canada… a teacher in Primary. She could only speak a little English and she often came home with headaches from trying to understand, but she took the calling and the Lord blessed her to learn the language quite well after 2 yrs here, despite the fact she never had a formal English lesson. Currently, Maria teaches seminary. It is only a 1 hr lesson each Wednesday night. I have noticed that every single week as she prepares the lesson, she averages about 8 hrs total preparation time. Back in December, Maria was called to be 1st Counsellor in the Stake Primary. She could not give the High Councilman an answer right away, as she knew she had to talk to me first. She would need my support to provide rides as the calling involves a lot of travel and she doesn’t like to drive on the highway. I was only more than happy to support her in this calling, and we have been both blessed from it. To conclude, it is an understatement to say that my wife has not been a major influence in my life for good. Only the Lord’s influence could be considered greater. I have learned to thank the Lord in my prayers for her frequently, because I know she could never be replaced if I ever lost her. Thank goodness, our marriage is sealed for all time and eternity in the Temple of the Lord. I have also come to appreciate the magnitude of the sacrifice she made for me in 1975, giving up all she knew including her culture, language and family to be my wife. I will be forever grateful for that.

All this had to be, so I could have the restored gospel in my life.
I hope my talk was not too much of a travelogue. That was not my intention. I wanted you to see that the Lord was guiding all that happened and that is why it happened. I have come to learn that I owe the Lord a great deal for this. The Lord prepared the way and because I accepted it, the result has been a life of stability and happiness. Not just happiness for this life, ...but for all time and eternity. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, AMEN.